Posted on Jan 23, 2012
It’s almost impossible to plan a wedding, attend a wedding, mention the word “wedding” without someone bringing up Bridezillas. For those who haven’t come across the term yet, it’s a mash up of Bride and Godzilla, meaning a rampaging destructive monster of a bride. They’ve made TV shows about it, and featured it in films.
Many brides live in fear of becoming a Bridezilla. They do everything in their power to be as rational and compliant as possible. They don’t want to make waves because they don’t want to be dismissed as a crazy harpy face. Anytime they’re adamant about something, their loved ones roll their eyes, smile and whisper “Bridezilla’s coming out to play!” Bride feels like shit, hides in the corner, cries and berates herself for not being able to handle this.
True Bridezillas (ala “I WANT MY CHOCOLATE CAKE”) are very rare (Why the “elusive” part), and limited to people who exhibit these personality behaviors in every day life. As in, they’re a bitch, they’ve always been a bitch, and people just deal with it. Suddenly, because they’re planning a wedding, bitch becomes the new flashy title of Bridezilla. But it doesn’t change the fact they are just acting out their every day attitude problems.
Here are my thoughts (hence the informative title). When you plan a wedding, you’re basically taking on another full time job, that not only do you not get paid for, but you pay for the pleasure of having. This is why there are people who quit their jobs to plan their weddings. It’s a lot to do. So look at it this way. Say you created a non profit, for something you’re passionate about, and you’re going to have a big gala event to kick it all off. You work 40-60 hours a week on it, while you’re working your full time job. It’s a learning experience because you have to delve into skills you don’t really have, and practice interviewing and hiring vendors that you have no experience with.
The whole time you have other people telling you how they think the event should be done, emphasizing how they did their event for their totally unrelated non profit. They are questioning every single one of your decisions, telling you who should be on the guest list, what outfit befits your position as the founder, and chastising you for deciding on things that they would never do. The constant haranguing that you owe it to the community for them to have this input, and if you don’t act on it, it’s the same as dismissing them entirely.
All the while you’re being reminded of how lucky and special you are to have this opportunity, and if you screw it up, it’ll haunt you FOREVEEEEEERRRRR. All of these things only multiply the closer you get to the event. You consider canceling it entirely, because as much as you love your cause, it can’t be worth this hell. Nothing can. Soon to follow is the guilt of how many people you’d be letting down. So you berate yourself for having those thoughts at all, how selfish you are for putting your wants and needs above the people who are depending on this event. What a horrible person you are.
Your nerves would be frayed, and it’s pretty likely you’re going to snap at someone. Actually, it’s more likely that you’ll either throw something through a wall, or sit in the fetal position in the corner and cry. And people will understand. Of course they’ll understand, look at everything you’ve been going through. Any rational human being can see how stressful the situation is. They’ll take you out for coffee, maybe a pedicure, they’ll let you talk about your frustrations and they’ll console you and help you cope.
So why are weddings so different? Why, when planning a wedding, are humans suddenly held to this higher standard, where anything less than sainthood labels you a Bridezilla? Just because the event is centered around love, it doesn’t mean it’s any less an event, any less a job, any less a stress.
The word Bridezilla has become a dismissive, disrespectful way to belittle what someone who is planning a wedding is going through. (Although Momzillas exist… But that’s a post for another day) So for the people planning, you are NOT crazy, you are not some irrational rampaging beast. You’re in the middle of dealing with trying to put something together that’s poignant, envelops you and your partner, includes your community of family and friends, and it is completely normal to have a breakdown, to lose your temper, or to start crying.
For those who are the loved ones of someone who’s planning a wedding, don’t use the B word. It’s hurtful, you’re in essence telling someone you care about that their concerns are ridiculous and silly just because it’s a wedding. That regardless of what is going on, regardless of how they feel, what they’re going through means nothing, because it’s a wedding, and they’re just being a bride. Weddings aren’t some blissful magic kitten and unicorn fart rhapsody, it’s an oft times manipulative multi-billion dollar business. (And in the interest of full disclosure, it’s why people hire wedding planners) It can be rough, and they need your support, not name calling.
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