I’m a geek, but I have no game.

Posted on Apr 3, 2012

I had a long discussion with a client who’s really into gaming the other day, about what a geek/nerd I am.  You name your trope, that’s me.  If there was any doubt, here’s a couple pics of me, and I pretty much looked like this up until highschool.

Yup, coke bottle glasses. I was an early adopter of the duck face.

Yeah, that's the hotness right there.

 

I wore a business suit for my class pictures, and was the token geek the cool kids kept around for crib sheets, test answers, and to buy them things at the snack bar.  I got braces when I was 18 and wore them until I was 22, headgear included.  I’ve always been obsessed with computers, I code, love anime, comics, nerd books, and any other geek descriptions.  My husband’s best friend introduces us to people as “The Geek who married the Jock.”  I have no issues with this and am proud of my geekdom.  With one secret shame.  I’m not a gamer.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE gaming, I love everything about it.  The stories, the weapons, the art, the concepts, I read up on all the releases, I pre-order to get goodies, I compare DLC options, I rage over awful endings, I have a preference for console over PC, not that it matters, since I just don’t seem to have the dexterity to be any good.  I try, I really do, but my short foray into WOW left me in tears, I too have gotten lost in the bathroom in Bioshock.

I wasn’t always like this.  I remember playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Super Mario Brothers with my uncle on our old NES.  We even had Bible video games.  (Don’t judge, I made do with what I had).  I played Street Fighter and kicked ass.  Then my beloved mistress technology dealt me a cruel blow.  The N64 signaled my demise, when during a bout of Super Smash Brothers I realize I can only beat people with the dreaded tactic of button mashing, an EXTREME faux pas.

That brings us to today, where I can’t even skip rocks on the Wii properly.  Give me a controller with a D pad, two analog sticks and action buttons (Then your L1, R1 etc) and I freeze up into a panic attack, and usually end up falling off a cliff or getting stabbed in the butt by a first level enemy.  Not because they’re sneaky, but because I can’t figure out how to turn around.  So I live vicariously through my brother in law Jon, who patiently puts up with my demands, since I keep him stocked with the latest in games.

Sometimes he regrets it, like when I was so enthralled with Assassin’s Creed, I made him play every night when I got home from work, then threw a raging hissy fit when he had the gall to finish it without me.  So I made him play it again.  Or when I broke into tears in Red Dead Redemption’s Undead Nightmare DLC, as he killed the last Sasquatch. “He asked me to!” “YOU JUST SLAUGHTERED HIS ENTIRE FAMILY!  HE’S NOT THINKING CLEARLY! YOU ARE A FUCKING BASTARD!”

It’s not totally one sided, in addition to new games, I help him with his achievement/trophy whoring, and I’m pretty good at puzzles.  Unfortunately that’ll never make up for actual gaming skill, and I mourn the loss camaraderie that comes with the gaming community, since I’ll always feel like a poser.

Gamers, you are amazing, and you have my steadfast admiration.  I only hope when I grow up I can be as cool as you.

One comment on “I’m a geek, but I have no game.

  1. Cindy on said:

    Uh, if my mom had known there WERE Bible games, we totally would have had those too! Assuming there were versions for PC. Because we were not allowed gaming console systems. We did have Bible Trivia (like Trivial Pursuit, only… holier?) Nerds rule.

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