Posted on Jul 25, 2012
subtitle: Ang wanted to post memes & gifs.
I’m a pretty flexible, laid back kind of person. This is obscenely helpful when my clients are pretty stressed, I’m like a living breathing chill pill. And while I LOVE helping my clients relax and enjoy this whole process, unfortunately I haven’t been hired by the entire universe, and I have some tips that help make the planning process somewhat less chaotic.
It’s not. Your relationship with your partner, family, friends, whatever, is going to continue well after the wedding is over. Make sure to keep building and strengthening that relationship during the planning process, because otherwise, when the wedding is over, you’re going to have to play catch up. So make time for date nights, or even sitting on the couch and doing nothing but watching horrible B movies on Netflix nights. Make sure you have conversation starters that aren’t wedding related. This wedding does not define you, so stop wrapping your entire life around it.
Yes, I believe pledging your life to another human being is a BIG deal. I believe that it is a beautiful moment regardless of where or how it happens. I believe that it can be sacred and heartfelt. But ZOMG serious business? No. Because you will still be married if your ring bearer Lab decides to take a dump during the walk down the aisle. You will still be bound to each other regardless of if your officiant accidentally calls you the name of the couple they had yesterday, or if the DJ screws up and has your mom walk down the aisle to Christina Aguleria’s “Dirty”. The world won’t cease to turn because someone let one rip during the moment of silence for loved ones past, or if the cake topper got left at home. Married life is going to have bumps and bouts of craziness, and you better get used to it. If something happens and you laugh it off, it’s a great story to tell. If something happens and your head explodes, it’s a story other people tell. In hushed whispers. Behind the safety of restraining orders.
You don’t control the weather. You don’t control the traffic. You don’t control the fact that early the morning of your wedding, a Moose will decide to cross the highway, get hit by a Lincoln Navigator, and cause an 87 car pile up that necessitates the Moose being airlifted by helicopter to a Moose sanctuary where they will put it in a moose wheelchair and use him to guilt trucking companies into donating massive quantities of money to the cause. Some stuff is going to happen, you aren’t going to be able to do anything about it. So don’t beat yourself up over things have have no control over. Just go with it.
One of the most frustrating aspects of my job is seeing someone who is ON this shit. Spreadsheets out the wazoo, everything booked and paid for months in advance, they’re ahead of schedule and they have GOT this wedding thing. Then you get about 4 weeks out, and they’re overwhelmed, stressed, and just don’t understand what happened. Wedding planning is weird. The first part, everything is it’s own separate entity. You hire the venue. You hire the photographer. You hire the ceremony musician. Then a month out, the venue, photographer and ceremony musician have to talk to each other. You have to coordinate arrival times and who’s standing where and who gets what and you thought you would be there, but you have to be on the other side of town getting your mom’s dress, and you didn’t realize the caterer needed 15 parking spaces and why is no one answering their phone? Trying to make separate things meld together to make something beautiful is hard. It really is, and you can NOT blame yourself for that. It’s not your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong, or miss some deadline. It’s just the nature of the beast.
“Ugh, you’re going to have ethnic food? Can you have them make me a burger instead?” “Ugh, you’re going to have burgers? That’s not wedding food!” “You can’t invite HER to the wedding! You know I can’t stand her!” “OMG I can’t believe you’re not inviting her, you know I love her!” No matter what you do in life, someone, somewhere is going to take issue with it. Weddings are no different, BUT most people with a sense of tact and empathy will keep their mouths shut and play along for the love of the couple. Unfortunately not everyone is lucky enough to have those traits. So they whine/bitch/complain to the only person they think can fix it, or that person’s mom. Because we all regress to toddlers when we’re feeling all angsty, and tattling becomes perfectly viable again.
You are a nice person, you want to make these people happy, but some people will just never be happy. There’s this woman my mom knows who bent over backwards to make everyone happy at her own wedding. She gave into all of her aunt’s and in-laws demands, forewent things that were important to her so that she could please them. And guess what? They still weren’t happy! They were miserable because they didn’t get everything they wanted, and she was miserable because she got NOTHING she wanted.
The guests at your wedding are grown ass adults. They can book their own hotels, flights and arrange for transportation. They can also make polite conversation with whoever the hell you seat them with. If they don’t, they’re being selfish pricks. And no, I don’t believe in the whole “The wedding needs to be about your guests.” The wedding is about the couple getting married. The End. They invite people that they love, and who they want to witness something that’s important to them. They want guests to share in their happiness. But that doesn’t mean they’re obligated to hold the hands of 100 something people and walk them through picking out shoes, booking a sitter, or getting the time off of work.
Perhaps I’m being biased, and more than a bit ranty, but I’m looking through the filter of my couples. My wonderful, amazing sweet couples who are reduced to tears because of friends and family members finding fault in their wedding before it even happened. The friends and family who make my generous thoughtful couples feel guilty for having a wedding in the first place because it seems to be offending everyone in the universe. You’re all bastards and you don’t deserve to come.
You may not hire me. You might not hire a professional coordinator/planner at all. But for the love of all that is friendship and magic, put someone in charge of your wedding day. If only to give you a chance to sit back and enjoy all your work. One of the most appreciated services any coordinator can provide is being the point person for every human being even remotely connected to the wedding. In fact, I tell my couples the only words they’re allowed to say to anyone (other than me) is “Actually, Ang is handling that.” or “That’s something you should ask Ang.” The end. No engaging, no getting dragged into arguments. No suddenly finding out that there’s a problem, then having to worry about it. The sooner everyone (friends and family included) learn that you aren’t giving them answers, the sooner they’ll start asking the person you put in charge.
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