You’ve probably done more than you think

Posted on Jan 26, 2013

You’ve probably done more than you think

A big part of what I do is consult based.  I have clients who can’t afford my day of or wedding planning packages, but they feel so lost, with no sense of direction, and they need something, anything to kick start them.  They see all the lists of all the things that need to be done, the options they have to choose from, and they are completely and totally convinced that they don’t have a clue.  Being desperate, they call me, often in tears, because they have no idea what they’re doing, and emphasize that they have no clue what they want.  And wouldn’t you know it, every time, they realize that they had more planned, that they know what they do and don’t want.  Let me repeat, with big yelly words, EVERY SINGLE TIME.

There’s a psychology to the wedding industry, you overwhelm people, then they reach out and grasp at anything they think will help.  They do this so you throw money at problems, base your decisions on cost alone (If it cost more, it must be better, right?  RIGHT?!?!?!?!)  But at their core, people are true to themselves, and they know what they want out of their life, and out of their wedding, it’s just buried, they’re just scared to admit it because they’re terrified they might be wrong.  All that’s needed is someone to help them bring all that stuff to the surface.

So how do I do it?  Is there a big long in-depth wedding psychology test?  No, I think most of the time, all long in-depth stuff does is freak people out.  Seriously, look at all those checklists on the Knot and stuff, your initial reaction is “Holy crap, look at all this stuff I have to do, I’m already so behind!”  That isn’t a productive state of mind, and it sure as hell isn’t productive.  Neither is rattling off a bunch of options, because the sheer act of saying “Do you want a barn, country club or museum wedding?” alienates all the other options.  It creates mental stagnation, always going in the same circles instead of solving the problem.  Nope, all we do is talk.

Seriously, and we don’t just talk about the wedding.  Knowing what makes a person tick helps you realize what’s important to them.  If it’s family, they’re going to have a big guest list, and your venues & food are going to have to factor into that.  You want your loved ones to be social, so having something like a table specific activity to get everyone talking to each other.  You don’t have time for DIY, and don’t want your family to have to stress on your wedding day.  So a venue that doesn’t need a lot of decor is something to look for.

On the other side of the spectrum, if you spend your time trolling the flea markets for new house stuff, or have part of your paycheck auto debited to Etsy, you’re into the details, you have the time to search for all those nuanced pieces, and the look of the event is important.  A couple more well placed questions pegs down your insistence on local foods and the ties you have to your community.  Boom, you’re going to want something that showcases the character of the place you’ve chosen to live.  Maybe a gallery that showcases local artists, or a reworked historical building.

I could go on and on, but the thing is, people have to stop thinking wedding first, identity second.  The chances of a sane rational person having a wedding so far outside of who they are is extremely rare.  Think of who you and your partner are as people, what you enjoy as a couple, and just apply that to your decisions.  You’ll be surprised at how much you “know” already.

Photo credit to pablokdc, used by Creative Commons License

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